CHRISTMAS 2011 BY LEO PONDER NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS (HO-HUM) NO MORE BRINGING HOMEWORK TO CHURCH Christmas was great. We mostly basked in warm candlelight (the power was off) sharing the love of a family, with our meager presents. My daughter (20) received a red Mustang convertible, from her fiancee' and they announced their wedding plans. Her fiancee slept over on the couch Christmas eve and I had a brand new 25" color T.V. wrapped the next morning. Of course they said it must have been Santa. My daughter’s fiancee is the only boy I know that I can't find one undesirable trait. He is polite, sensitive, and he gives me expensive presents. My son reached 18 yrs. old 5 days after Christmas(Dec. 30) I gave him an electric razor and explained how to cut the three chin hairs with one on, off click of the switch. I told him he didn’t need to send in the warranty card, it would probably outlast the manufacturer at that rate. My youngest daughter (14), against my misgivings, opened a personal pager and spent the day trading beeps with her best friend who received one too. I never realized you could get so excited over a beep.( unless ,I guess, you had a pacemaker) But she informed me that the pager had already proven it’s worth. Seems her best friend had seen my daughter’s boyfriend talking with another girl (a cheerleader, no less) “Sounds suspicious to me”, I said, trying to fork a juicy turkey leg directly behind my daughter on the counter. I missed. “Not suspicious, Guilty”, she screamed. “Guilty?” I asked “Of what, talking to a cheerleader? “Dad, my friend said he was laughing and moving his arms around like an idiot” I looked up from the huge plate of hot rolls that I had spied just to her left. “Laughing, animated hands, that’s entirely different. He’s been a bad boy” “No”, she said, “That’s where the beeper comes in. With every one here on the phone so much he couldn’t get through so he beeped me. We already made up.” “How’s that”, I asked. “He said it wasn’t him, my friend must have been mistaken” “Oh” was all I could manage as she ducked under my outstretched hand with the fork in it, revealing the largest coconut cream pie with meringue a foot tall, I had ever seen. I didn’t miss on that one. My son had talked his sister into letting him drive the new pop top two miles down the road to pick up Granny who was coming for Christmas dinner, with the top down of course. It was only snowing lightly. Every one had a big laugh on that one. Granny would have his skin. Ten minutes later he drove up, with a laughing frosty Granny bundled up like a Point Barrow Eskimo. Incredulously we asked how he had enticed her into that new fangled contraption. Her answer: (which restored my faith in a teenagers industriousness when it comes to cars and women) “He told me to think of it as an old time sleigh ride(which she had loved) and to think of the 400 horses under the hood as eight powerful reindeer, with him as Santa. Did you know he knows all Santa’s reindeer by name? But he kept saying “on” before each name.” “I loved it! I hope we can go for another sleigh ride”, said Granny with a twinkle not unlike Mrs. Claus. My Daughter ran out and zipped up the top on her sleigh. We sang Christmas carols and two full versions of “99 bottles of beer on the wall” (I don’t know how that happened) New Years, we ate food while refining our diet resolutions. Here are some more New Years resolutions we all made: Dad will stop following every one around going: Scratch my back No one will eat in a horizontal position No one will bring their homework to church (unless emergency) Mom will quit referring to us as “her little babies” (especially to dates) No more “Have you filled out an application, yet?” from Dad to our dates. The youngest will cut phone time to at least five hours No more using Dad’s electric razor for a dog trimmer The boy spender will pay back the girl saver her $18.00 this year for sure Dad will say “Sure” instead of “beg like a dog” for our allowance Allowances payable Saturdays only 7 A.M. sharp All A’s on report cards raised $10.00 again this year for a total of $50.00 ea. HAPPY NEW YEAR!