Saturday, February 4, 2012
I DIDN'T KNOW THAT!!
From Comic@superkids.com
Bank robber John Dillinger played professional baseball.
If you toss a penny 10000 times, it will not be heads 5000 times, but
more like 4950. The heads picture weighs more, so it ends up on the
bottom.
The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.
The housefly hums in the middle octave, key of F.
If your eyes are six feet above the surface of the ocean, the horizon
will be about three statute miles away.
The longest word in the English language, according to the Oxford
English Dictionary, is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis.
The only other word with the same amount of letters is
pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconioses, its plural.
Hydroxydesoxycorticosterone and hydroxydeoxycorticosterones are the
largest anagrams.
Los Angeles's full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de
los Angeles de Porciuncula."
Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Mel Blanc (the voice of Bugs Bunny) was allergic to carrots
The band Duran Duran got their name from an astronaut in the 1968 Jane
Fonda movie "Barbarella".
Cleo and Caesar were the early stage names of Cher and Sonny Bono.
Ben and Jerry's send the waste from making ice cream to local pig
farmers to use as feed. Pigs love the stuff, except for one flavor:
Mint Oreo.
The company providing the liability insurance for the Republican
National Convention in San Diego is the same firm that insured the
maiden voyage of the RMS Titanic.
Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
Dr. Samuel A. Mudd was the physician who set the leg of Lincoln's
assassin John Wilkes Booth...and whose shame created the expression for
ignominy, "His name is Mudd."
The longest recorded flight of a chicken is thirteen seconds.
The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin during World War
II killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.
Wilma Flintstone's maiden name was Wilma Slaghoopal, and Betty
Rubble's Maiden name was Betty Jean Mcbricker.
A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
The Ramses brand condom is named after the great pharaoh Ramses II
who fathered over 160 children.
If NASA sent birds into space (inside a space capsule, that is), they
would soon die because they need gravity to swallow.
Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered
blood donors.
The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert
the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "Its A Wonderful Life".
It was discovered on a space mission that a frog can throw up. The
frog throws up its stomach first, so the stomach is dangling out of
its mouth. Then the frog uses its forearms to dig out all of the
stomach's contents and then swallows the stomach back down again.
Armored knights raised their visors to identify themselves when they
rode past their king. This custom has become the modern military
salute.
White Out was invented by the mother of Mike Nesmith (Formerly of
the Monkees).
Sylvia Miles had the shortest performance ever nominated for an Oscar
with "Midnight Cowboy." Her entire role lasted only six minutes.
Charles Lindbergh took only four sandwiches with him on his famous
transatlantic flight.
Goethe couldn't stand the sound of barking dogs and could only write if
he had an apple rotting in the drawer of his desk.
If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in
the air, the person died in battle; if the horse has one front leg in
the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle; if
the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural
causes.
Gilligan of Gilligan's Island had a first name that was only used once,
on the never-aired pilot show. His first name was Willy. The skipper's
real name on Gilligan's Island is Jonas Grumby. It was mentioned once
in the first episode on their radio's newscast about the wreck.
In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.
Playing cards were issued to British pilots in WWII. If captured, they
could be soaked in water and unfolded to reveal a map for escape.
The "L.L." in L.L. Bean stands for Leon Leonwood.
Ivory bar soap floating was a mistake. They had been overmixing the
soap formula causing excess air bubbles that made it float. Customers
wrote and told how much they loved that it floated, and it has floated
ever since.
Studies show that if a cat falls off the seventh floor of a building it
has about thirty percent less chance of surviving than a cat that falls
off the twentieth floor. It supposedly takes about eight floors for the
cat to realize what is occurring, relax and correct itself. [Who
figured this out?!]
The saying "it's so cold out there it could freeze the balls off a
brass monkey" came from when they had old cannons like ones used in the
Civil War. The cannonballs were stacked in a pyramid formation, called
a brass monkey. When it got extremely cold outside they would crack
and break off... Thus the saying.
Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucous every two weeks
otherwise it will digest itself.
The Sanskrit word for "war" means "desire for more cows."
A walla-walla scene is one where extras pretend to be talking in the
background -- when they say "walla-walla" it looks like they are
actually talking.
The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which
stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your
thumb.
101 Dalmatians and Peter Pan (Wendy) are the only two Disney cartoon
features with both parents that are present and don't die throughout
the movie.
'Stewardesses' is the longest word that is typed with only the left
hand.
The Baby Ruth candy bar was actually named after Grover Cleveland's
baby daughter, Ruth.
Armadillos have four babies at a time and they are always all the same
sex.
Armadillos are the only animal besides humans that can get leprosy.
To escape the grip of a crocodile's jaws, push your thumbs into its
eyeballs -- it will let you go instantly.
Reindeer like to eat bananas.
A group of unicorns is called a blessing.
Twelve or more cows are known as a "flink."
A group of frogs is called an army.
A group of rhinos is called a crash.
A group of kangaroos is called a mob.
A group of whales is called a pod.
A group of geese is called a gaggle.
A group of ravens is called a murder.
A group of officers is called a mess.
A group of larks is called an exaltation.
A group of owls is called a parliament.
Physicist Murray Gell-Mann named the sub-atomic particles known as
quarks for a random line in James Joyce, "Three quarks for Muster
Mark!"
Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie.
The phrase "sleep tight" derives from the fact that early mattresses
were filled with straw and held up with rope stretched across the
bedframe. A tight sleep was a comfortable sleep.
The phrase "three dog night" (attributed to Australian Aborigines) came
about because on especially cold nights these nomadic people needed
three dogs (dingos, actually) to keep from freezing.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
CHRISTMAS 2011
BY
LEO PONDER
NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS (HO-HUM)
NO MORE BRINGING HOMEWORK TO CHURCH
Christmas was great. We mostly basked in warm candlelight (the power was off) sharing the love of a family, with our meager presents. My daughter (20) received a red
Mustang convertible, from her fiancee' and they announced their wedding plans.
Her fiancee slept over on the couch Christmas eve and I had a brand new 25" color T.V.
wrapped the next morning. Of course they said it must have been Santa. My daughter’s fiancee is the only boy I know that I can't find one undesirable trait. He is polite, sensitive, and he gives me expensive presents.
My son reached 18 yrs. old 5 days after Christmas(Dec. 30) I gave him an electric razor
and explained how to cut the three chin hairs with one on, off click of the switch.
I told him he didn’t need to send in the warranty card, it would probably outlast the
manufacturer at that rate.
My youngest daughter (14), against my misgivings, opened a personal pager and spent
the day trading beeps with her best friend who received one too. I never realized you
could get so excited over a beep.( unless ,I guess, you had a pacemaker) But she informed
me that the pager had already proven it’s worth. Seems her best friend had seen my daughter’s boyfriend talking with another girl (a cheerleader, no less) “Sounds suspicious to me”, I said, trying to fork a juicy turkey leg directly behind my daughter on the counter. I missed. “Not suspicious, Guilty”, she screamed. “Guilty?” I asked “Of what, talking to a cheerleader? “Dad, my friend said he was laughing and moving his arms around like an idiot” I looked up from the huge plate of hot rolls that I had spied just to her left. “Laughing, animated hands, that’s entirely different. He’s been a bad boy” “No”, she said, “That’s where the beeper comes in. With every one here on the phone so much he couldn’t get through so he beeped me. We already made up.” “How’s that”, I asked. “He said it wasn’t him, my friend must have been mistaken” “Oh” was all I could manage as she ducked under my outstretched hand with the fork in it, revealing the largest coconut cream pie with meringue a foot tall, I had ever seen. I didn’t miss on that one.
My son had talked his sister into letting him drive the new pop top two miles down the road to pick up Granny who was coming for Christmas dinner, with the top down of course. It was only snowing lightly. Every one had a big laugh on that one. Granny would have his skin. Ten minutes later he drove up, with a laughing frosty Granny bundled up
like a Point Barrow Eskimo. Incredulously we asked how he had enticed her into that
new fangled contraption. Her answer: (which restored my faith in a teenagers industriousness when it comes to cars and women) “He told me to think of it as an old
time sleigh ride(which she had loved) and to think of the 400 horses under the hood as
eight powerful reindeer, with him as Santa. Did you know he knows all Santa’s reindeer by name? But he kept saying “on” before each name.” “I loved it! I hope we can go for another sleigh ride”, said Granny with a twinkle not unlike Mrs. Claus. My Daughter ran
out and zipped up the top on her sleigh.
We sang Christmas carols and two full versions of “99 bottles of beer on the wall” (I don’t know how that happened)
New Years, we ate food while refining our diet resolutions. Here are some more New Years resolutions we all made:
Dad will stop following every one around going: Scratch my back
No one will eat in a horizontal position
No one will bring their homework to church (unless emergency)
Mom will quit referring to us as “her little babies” (especially to dates)
No more “Have you filled out an application, yet?” from Dad to our dates.
The youngest will cut phone time to at least five hours
No more using Dad’s electric razor for a dog trimmer
The boy spender will pay back the girl saver her $18.00 this year for sure
Dad will say “Sure” instead of “beg like a dog” for our allowance
Allowances payable Saturdays only 7 A.M. sharp
All A’s on report cards raised $10.00 again this year for a total of $50.00 ea.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Don't get old!
We should place the elderly in prisons. They will get a shower a day, video surveillance in case of problems, three meals a day, access to a library, computer, TV, austar, gym, doctors on-site, free medication if needed. Put criminals in nursing homes. They have cold meals, lights off at 7pm, two showers a week, live in a smaller room and pay rent at $4,000 a month!!!
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